Yes… Texas, it’s really happening. . .
Howdy… I know, I know, pathetic, but can you blame me? So Bo is finally coming home and bringing his heterosexual life mate Brandon with him. Ahhhhhh, we can practically smell the barbecue and spent shells already.
So watch the FaceBook page for events and details about where and when we are going to be so you can come take a night off of ropin’ and wrestlin’ and drink some wine with the boys from SLO Down wines…
Trust Us,
The Boys at SLO Down
Come see us, laugh with us, drink with us…and cry with Bo.
That is right ladies and ladies, we are on the road. If you are going to be anywhere near us during these dates, give us a call and we will tell you when and where to come out and party with us… Also, be on the look out for Sexual Chocolate hitting the shelves in more and more places.
We love you… see you soon, just hopefully not in the morning. I need my sleep!
The Boys at SLO Down
First, a letter to our customers:
SLO Down wines without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe with out laces, asentencewithoutspaces. I know what you are thinking, “What? Me? All I did was buy some wine?” But you see, you didn’t just buy some wine, you made our dreams come true. I feel like throwing each and everyone of you a parade! Complete with whips and chains and lots of mustached muscular men in those tiny leather hats…you know, like all the parades Brandon and I frequent…alright, alright, it can be a different kind of parade. Keep your pants on!
***And now be prepared to remove them!***
The blacker the berry the bigger the jug, or something like that?
We would like to sincerely thank each and everyone of you who has ever touched a bottle of our wine, and apologize for the warts it gave you, we have a cream for that… So to wrap up this letter. Thank you thank you thank you, Sexual Chocolate for everyone!
sorry… I’ve been watching a lot of Wilfred lately, if you aren’t too, you should be.
Love, Brandon and Bo mostly Bo
NOW…down to brass tax. SLO DOWN WINES is hitting the road… das right, ya heard me B! (Sorry, I was practicing typing tough, it isn’t really working.) Over the next couple months we might end up in your town, shit, maybe even on your couch, so if you live in the Midwest, and it doesn’t matter where, say Shhhhhhhhhhh…it. Keep up to date on the location of events in a city near you on our FaceBook page and our Twitter and if you are really curios you can always just call us, we will answer, we always do!
SO, expect to start seeing the 2011 vintage back on the shelf at all your favorite retail locations, as well as back for sale at the online store, and see if you can’t snatch up one of the few limited release large format bottles.
Better grab one of these babies!
Also, if you have some time to kill and want to hear how good Brandon and I look on the radio listen to our recent interview on NewsTalk 910′s show Dining Around. I used the cough button a few times…life long dream, accomplished. I will scratch that from my Bucket List as soon as I scratch ‘Write a Bucket List,’ from my ‘To-Do List.’ NewsTalk 910 Radio Interview
So if you are still reading I would like to say, thanks Cousin Kate, because I am sure you are the only one and I can’t wait to see you again…and as always, Cheers and hopefully see you soon in a wine bar/liquor store/library/house party near you!!!!
Cheers,
The Boys at SLO Down
Sexual Chocolate is… well… who cares are you seeing this?
Well loyal readers, drunkards, and my wonderful cousin Kate… it has been a while. I have missed all 5 of you as I am sure you have longed for this post. Well rest easy you lovelies and understand that I have always wanted to provide you with all the humor and needless information about my self loathing you’d ever need. However, you see…we have been pretty busy, and now are proud to announce that the 2010 vintage of Sexual Chocolate is all but sold out. There a still a few cases bouncing around and still for sale direct to you through the online store and if you don’t want to be left out in the cold on the last day of summer, go right now and buy some… don’t wait… seriously, go buy it, this will still be here, it isn’t essential for you to read this.
Now, for the news…
SLO Down wines was conceived much like most children are, two people met…fell in love through a common drinkable interest, and soon after a third person was added. Chip and Brandon met in Cal Poly 5 years ago and shortly after the chance encounter, and many compelling experiences in the wine and viticulture world, these two accidental geniuses developed a wine with a single goal; conquer the world, create the wine for the newest generation of wine drinkers. Two vintages and 762 cases later, the boys at SLO Down found themselves on display in the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, sweeping the beverage categories at SF International Chocolate Salon with four gold’s and a bronze (take that Canada!), and a swelling list of accounts. The decision to bring Bo aboard was made after 13.2 seconds of consideration due to his dashing good looks and Bio-Chemical back ground. However, like most American families, it couldn’t last forever… and so Chip and SLO Down have parted ways, and now, Brandon is left to raise me and is doing a sensationally terrible job. He is not ‘single mom’ material.
I am totally kidding, Brandon has always been a great role model because of his patience, kindness, and affinity for daytime drinking. But here at SLO Down it is business as usual. The 2011 vintage will be bottled around the middle of next month and expect it to be hitting shelves around the beginning of fall. For more info check FaceBook and make sure you follow us on Twitter.
Cheers for now,
SLO Down Wines
Are we famous yet?
It finally happened, someone other than my mother recognized the genius that is… SLO Down Wines. (I love you mom! And you’re right I am the most handsome man in the paper.) We would like to personally thank Ms. Finz, The SF Chronicle, and all the people at ANU, Pack N’ Ship, and of course our reps, who have made this possible: The Story on Sf Gate. The outtake photos are also available HERE thanks and credit to Michael Short. It is amazing to see how fast we have grown, and how fast Sexual Chocolate 2010 is selling, which brings me to my next point. *Ringing the dinner triangle thingy* CoooooooOOOoome and Geeeet it!
Because of the ridiculous success of our sales team, the Chronicle article, and the exceptional taste of Sexual Chocolate 2010… (of which I am imbibing right now, Seriously.)
I can write and drink, all the great ones did...
…we are selling out. I know I know, you are thinking to yourself because you are one of the 4 people that read the blog, “What the what happened to 28,000 reasons you wouldn’t run out again?” Well loyal reader, Chip did it. That’s right, he drank ‘em, sold ‘em, smashed them, used them as bartering chips with different jewelers and leather workers. He did it, blame him, in fact if you see him on the street and you are almost done with that apple, take a few quick bites, fill your mouth and throw the core at him. Then yell while spitting apple chunks, “Hey Chip, it’s me Bo’s cousin, the only one that reads the blog AND happens to love apples! YOU SUCK!” Then run… don’t worry, he won’t make it too far.
But I digress, if you have happened to order from us via our ONLINE STORE then expect an allocation form in the mail and in your email box directing you to act fast as it might be your last chance. I guess, if you are reading this, it could also serve as your first verbal warning… so go a buy some wine, and then drink it, and then throw your apple cores at Chip.
As for the future, we are shooting for 120,000 reasons why this won’t happen again, and if it does, I will take you all out to dinner; because there are only 4 of you who read this and I will have finally made some dough off of my alcoholism passion for wine. Also, give a listen to KNBR talking about some Sexual Chocolate…
SLODownWines on KNBR Bay Area!
That is all for now folks, please remember to spread the word, not the communicable diseases you caught from Brandon.
Until next time, Trust Us,
Ain't it grand?
The Boys at SLO Down
Honestly, I am just surprised the word Brandon was so big… I mean it’s like, “Come on, we get it, you’re the handsome one.” What about me people? Once, there was a jar that about 4 people couldn’t open, and then I tried. I didn’t open it but the next guy did…but I loosened it up for him. Chip, you are just lucky I included you…
Santa...you look... bigger? Oh, oh...never mind, Hi Chip.
…And we’re back!
Ho Ho Ho, Ho’s…
Well, it has come and gone. (Am I right, ladies?1) The time of year when you give and recieve gifts, watch the claymation specials that are all oddly sexually suggestive, and feel bad for all the people with an Uncle like Clay, who tries to prove he isn’t drunk by holding someone’s baby2.
Then of course, we all brought in the New Year doing something we think we regret based on the bruising and scratches, but aren’t quite sure based on the empty bottles and the taste of party3in your mouth. We at SLO Down wines, took a little company retreat to Aspen…and no, I am not going to do the obvious Dumb & Dumber quote here…please. I pride myself on being original… pfffffft.
...I'll do it here, "I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called, Aspen."
I suppose the last, but certainly not least, new news for the new year…new offices! See, here is the deal, around about 1991 someone invented the internets and I’m thinking, “Yeah, right buddy, I’m sure that will catch on.” Well turns out I was wrong4, so with the internet came a bunch of dudes with khakis and a ton of money. We basically have tricked them into letting us get some of this sweet shared spaced here in downtown San Francisco. That’s right, we now have pens, a printer, I even stole a post-it note or two from one of the other companies desks. (Before you get upset, they use the power of lasers to turn sugar cubes into gold bricks or something like that, they won’t miss it.) So, it’s official, open the flood gates and bring on the kisses orders and let’s move some of this wine.
You won’t be disappointed. Trust us,
The Boys at SLO Down
1 For help with these issues ladies please call: (828) 551-2591 and don’t be surprised when I answer, “Go for, Bo.” Sometimes it’s fun to pretend to be a pilot.
2 30 Rock reference…Boom. I love you U.C.
3 Party: [pahr-tee] When one’s mouth tastes of any combination of alcohol, smoke and boy/girl. Source: Webster’s Online Dictionary.
4 See ladies, I can admit when I am wrong, another one of my many, many good qualities.
Oh, Hello, I didn’t see you there…
I have been expecting you...
*Closes extremely expensive first edition leather bound book*
As you can see, we released a new wine, this one is a bit different though, because we wrote the label just for you. That is right, you (insert your name) right there, I knew you would be here. You see, Sexual Chocolate 2010 is a revisit to the days of yesteryear when women called Brandon, from his number on the 2009 label, late at night to tell him how much they loved the wine and ask where their palimony check is going because based on your clothes you aren’t shopping anywhere but the goodwill. It reminds us of the days before Chip looked as though he was about to give birth and cut his hair into the power-mullet he has become known for.
The Insatiable Thirst monster.
The nostalgia doesn’t stop there, we are also casually reminded of Bo’s long lost golden locks, and how he cut his hair to look exactly like his mother.
Yeah, I wasn't trying to do it...Ok? It was an accident, whatever you look like your mom too!
You see dear friend, Sexual Chocolate 2010 is not just a bottle of wine, it is in homage of, honor of, remembrance of, the little lady that could Sexy Chocolate ’09. But like all good things in life…time must pass, children are born, and more importantly…your favorite little winery must mature. Not in behavior of couse, but in palatability and production scale. That’s right, for those of you who have been with us since the beginning and saw us run out last vintage, well, you will be happy to know that it cannot happen again. How do we know? We have 28,000 answers to that question.
So if you have ordered already, you know what the 2010 bottle pairs best with, another bottle…and for those of you who have not, please do, you won’t be disappointed, trust us.
The Boys at SLO Down wines
So you made it, you have arrived. Welcome to the blog at SLO Down Wines. Yeah, I know, it’s pretty bad ass. Since you’re already here what you do know by now is that we (but mostly me) are awesome, and maybe you know that our wine tastes like it was poured directly through a million dollar chocolate covered dark cherry and directly into your mouth. Maybe…just maybe, you drank a bottle of our delicious wine, Sexual Chocolate, and you called Brandon from the front label and mumbled something about how you hope he is as delicious as the wine is. And finally, maybe he replied, “Jesus Bo, stop calling me in the middle of the night!” and really really hurt your feelings because you think you guys would be great together and share a connection unlike anything you have ever experienced. I don’t know, I am not a fortune teller.
"Brandon, why won't you let me love you?"
However, what I bet you don’t know is that we are out of wine. I know it is sad, we are sad too. Especially Brandon because he now has no game with the ladies and probably a lot less with the dudes. So to keep you in the loop, because we at SLO Down Wines love you so so very much, here is our tentative timeline over the next few days, weeks, month, what have you.
We have scheduled our next bottling for September 23rd. Now, baring anything catastrophic that means that we will most likely have wine, that is ready to be bought, sold, and used for getting girls really drunk your enjoyment by Halloween. BOO! Isn’t that a scary thought, the boys at SLO Down having two reasons to celebrate All Hallow’s Eve, our next vintage being rolled out and super scantily clad ladies galore!
Well, we are shooting for our big industry release party in December…details to come.
Anyways, I will let you get back to your internet porn, I mean, your “work” and will hopefully see you again soon. That’s it for now, don’t be a stranger.
Cheers!
We are pleased to have our brand new website LIVE. Enjoy the wine!
